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Blowing Out the Candles

Blowing Out the Candles
Originally uploaded by ashes_poland

I will say, on a I’m-stalling-from-cleaning-my-apartment note, that we had Miles’s birthday party on the 13th, and it was great. Our families got together to celebrate our son, who was unplanned and more amazing than we could have ever imagined. I can’t begin to think of a life without him.

Even when he’s making me crazy. And I haven’t slept, and he’s screaming in my ear, and I just want to go to bed and pretend that I don’t have to be responsible for this little monster anymore. I’ve lost my temper with him, and he’s made me weep (happy, and sad), and he’s beaten my ass in a number of ways.

I wouldn’t trade him for anything, and it’s hard to explain.

Having a child has not been 100% happiness, it has not been joy at every twist and pump in the road.

But it has been awesome, inspiring, and has challenged me to be a better person than I ever aspired to be. And even when I haven’t always succeeded, I’m still better than I would have ever been without him.

(That said, I’m still excited for May, when Andy and I get to pretend we’re almost unattached while we go to my best friend’s wedding in Jersey and leave Miles with my mom. Both of us drinking at the same party? Inconceivable!)